An Awkward Conversation
by DeathsLights
Summary: He rubbed his hand over his mouth. "It's alright for you to date anyone and by anyone I mean anyone." Dean stared at Sam intensely. "You want to, I have no problems with that. Unless the chick is a demon, then I have problems. Seriously Sam, no demons." "That only happened twice," Sam muttered.


**This was betaed by my truly lifesaver...and life preserver of a best friend, Dances-like-flames. Thank you : 3 Seriously though, you are my life preserver.**

**This is a Christmas gift fic for my dear best friend who me got on this shipping bandwagon. *Shakes fist* DAMN YOU! JAM! DAMN YOU!**

**But I hope you like it. : ) Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays all you Destiel shippers!**

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**An Awkward Conversation **

"Sam."

The younger Winchester glanced up from his laptop to look at the fallen angel.

Cas stood before him, frowning, his head tilted to the side as it always was when something about humanity, both in general and his own, mystified him. It was a habit that he had never truly grown out of. A remnant of his time as an angel, something that happened in less and less frequency these days. It made Sam smile a little.

"Yeah Cas?"

The angel blinked and stared at the Winchester before him in silence. "I am having–" Cas paused, his jaw twitching, struggling to find the correct word. Castiel's frown deepened. "I am having...feelings."

Sam's eyes widened, he straightened up, alert. He leaned forward intently. "Are we talking about demons? Angels? Are you feeling some of your grace?"

Cas scowled. "No."

The younger Winchester blinked. "Okay then what?"

"I am having emotions."

"That happens with humans Cas. It's normal," he said gently.

The fallen angel narrowed his eyes. "Sam, I am having certain feelings for Dean."

"Oh. _Oh._" Sam leaned back, his mouth opening wordlessly. "_Oh._"

Castiel's shoulders dropped, his entire body sagging as if the words actually had a physical weight to them and had been weighing him down. "Yes."

Sam coughed, his eyes darting around restlessly. He brought his hand up and rubbed the back of his neck. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Cas nodded slowly. "If that is alright with you."

The younger Winchester quickly pulled out a chair next to him and patted it down. "Of course it is Cas." The former angel hesitantly sat down, his back stiff and rigid. Both stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. Sam took in a deep breath. "Okay so these feelings...do you not understand what they are? Are you having a hard time figuring them out?"

"No. Yes I–" Castiel sighed and roughly ran a hand through his hair in frustration messing it up more than usual. He leaned forward and buried his head into his hands. "I do not understand, Sam. These things–feelings are tumbling. Rolling around inside of me, causing chaos. Emotions are things that are foreign to me and now that I am able to feel it is hard to comprehend what they mean. More so when they...conflict."

Sam looked up heavenward. He could, on one hand, count the number of times he had seen Castiel so animated, it was so startlingly human that he was reminded of the fact that yes, Cas was human now. Something that always seemed to slip his mind. This was serious, gravelly so, if he was displaying such emotion. Sam turned to look at Cas contemplating how to both approach and deal with the matter. After a few seconds he decided that trying to figure out the issue was the best place to start. "Just tell me what you feel, alright?"

Cas dropped his hands letting them hang limply between his legs. "There are times when I look at Dean and I am amazed by how someone that is so flawed can be so perfect. I look at him sometimes and I feel this unpleasant thing. Pain," Cas looked up at him and grasped the shirt near his heart. "Here. "

The younger Winchester's eyes widened. "Okay do you always just feel pain?"

The darker haired man shook his head. "No. Sometimes there is this warmth. It spreads through me. I feel euphoric during those times."

He paused, trying to figure out what to say next. "When do you feel these things? Are there specific incidences?"

Cas frowned in thought. "The pain is when Dean does not notice me, when he is unaware of my presence. The feeling of warmth is when he is conscious of my existence even if he does not talk to me. He knows I am there."

The lighter haired man smiled a little and bit his lip to stop from laughing. He covered his mouth."Is that all you feel?"

Castiel twitched, his eyes sharpening. "No. There are times I wish to smite him. I also desire to punch him in the face on occasion. I would, if not for the fact that I would injure my hand as well. I preferred it when I could cause injury without inflicting pain onto myself."

Sam let out an amused snort. "My brother is an asshole and those are the drawbacks of being mortal, Cas."

"I would prefer it if your brother did not have such loose morals. Then perhaps I would not have the urge to harm his being."

"No, I'm pretty sure you'd still want to punch in the face regardless." Sam said grinning.

Castiel's lips quirked upward a little. "Perhaps."

His smile turned genuine, his eyes softening. "Have you figured out what's happening to you? You feel pain when you think my brother has forgotten about you. Warmth when he knows you're there, that your presence is there in the back of his head. And the urge to punch him when he's flirting with women? That is jealously. Do you know what that all means?"

The fallen angel blinked. "Oh." His eyebrows drew together. "I see. I expected this to be more difficult."

"I guess you just needed someone to talk to."

Cas stared at Sam in thought, his head tilted to the side. "You are fine with this. Generally humans are opposed to such things."

Sam shrugged. "I can't say I'm surprised." He smirked. "After all, you were the one that said you and Dean share a 'profound bond'. You've always cared about Dean more than others...sometimes only him. Sometimes he was the only thing that mattered to you. So it's not hard to imagine you having feelings for him." Sam stood up and stretched, loosening his tight muscles."I'm going to go look up some things. If you want to talk some more you know where to find me." He turned to collect his things, getting ready to move to the library.

Castiel quickly reached out and gripped Sam's arm. He looked up at Sam seriously, his eyes unblinking and stern. "I may have rebelled for one, but I fell for both."

The younger Winchester looked down at the former angel, startled.

Cas continued, "I care about you just as much as I do for Dean. It is different yes, but you are important to me, Sam. I hope you understand that."

Sam swallowed roughly, keeping his gaze locked with blue eyes before him."Yeah." Sam nodded and smiled."I do."

Both turned to the door as it was thrust open. Dean walked into the room lugging two bags with him. "Sam, I got you your health crap and Cas, your burger. Seriously, who the hell orders a salad–" The older Winchester paused and turned to look at the two of them, his eyes drifted down to where Castiel's hand still gripped Sam's arm. He glanced up at them in confusion."Is something wrong?"

Sam quickly shook his head and coughed awkwardly."Nothing's wrong Dean." He avoided his brother's gaze. "I'm just going to go to the library and look up some things."

He tried to extract his arm but the grip merely tightened. Cas looked up at Sam. "I meant what I said." He gave him a hesitant miniscule smile as he continued, "And thank you Sam. I would like to continue talking to you as well. Not just about the subject we have discussed but various things."

The younger Winchester grinned in response. "Me too, I'd like it if you did."

Both whirled around. Dean cursed and bent to pick up the bags that had slipped through his fingers. He glanced back up at the two. "Cheap plastic bags." He straightened up and turned to go the kitchen and he looked over his shoulder as he spoke. "You guys gonna come and eat?" His eyes strayed to where Castiel's hand remained. "Or continue your little moment?"

Sam blinked, a smirk gracing his lips. He turned and threw his arm around Cas' shoulder "Maybe later. Cas and I have things to talk about." Castiel turned to look up at the younger Winchester, frowning in confusion. Sam pulled Cas up, herding him out of the room. "Come on Cas, let's go."

Dean whirled around spluttering. "Wait! What? But your food is going to get cold!"

"That's alright! I'll just take Cas out for something later." Sam called over his shoulder as he led Cas out the door.

"What the hell? I already bought this! SAM! SAM, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! SAM!"

-.-.-.-.-.-

"I do not understand. Why are we here Sam?"

Sam slowly chewed before replying. "Eating."

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "I am aware. But why are we eating here when Dean has already brought us food?"

The Winchester put down his fork and looked at Cas seriously. "Do you want to find out what feelings my brother has for you?"

The fallen angel's jaw clenched. "It is abundantly clear Sam, that Dean does not feel anything for me."

Sam grinned and leaned forward. "And if he does?"

"...I do not see the relevance of this conversation."

The younger Winchester sighed. "What if I told you that Dean has feelings for you?"

Castiel scowled. "You would be lying. Sam, what is the point of these meaningless questions?"

Sam roughly scrubbed his face. "Okay. Cas, I think Dean has feelings for you–"

"Which is an incorrect assumption–"

"And you think he doesn't–"

"Which is the truth Sam, what is this–"

Sam continued talking, "Do you want to find out who's right? Me or you?" Both men stared at each in silence. "You don't have anything to lose."

"I do not have anything to gain."

"Don't you want to be sure?"

A few tense minutes passed with neither one backing down. Castiel's shoulders dropped. "What do you propose Sam?"

Sam grinned, now this was going to be fun.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Dean narrowed his eyes as he watched his brother throw an arm around the fallen angel's shoulder and lean close to whisper something into his ear. He took a sip of his beer, his eyes remaining fixated on the two. He almost spewed it back out when Cas laughed.

Laughed.

He had laughed at something Sam had said.

Sam.

The one with no sense of humor.

Had made Cas laugh.

What the fuck was this? Sam was not funny. He should know, he spent his whole life with him. Soulless Sam was hilarious, not normal Sam. And it wasn't just that, Sam was always_ touching_ Cas. Throwing an arm around his shoulder, brushing up close to him, hell he was sure he'd seen hand holding.

Hand.

Holding.

Cas had issues with personal space but Sam was edging into harassment area with the way he was all up in Castiel's space. And that was the thing. Cas _actually _kept a respectful distance from him now (that was if they were ever alone together, which was rarely because Sam would not leave them alone). But not with Sam. They were practical _breathing_ the same air, they were that close.

Hell when they were driving up to meet Bobby, Sam had sat in the back of the car with Cas, even with the passenger seat open. Sitting so close together they might as well have been on each other's lap.

Dean scowled, great now they were touching. Again.

"What the hell's wrong with your face?"

The older Winchester spluttered and choked on his beer. "Nothing's wrong with my face."

Bobby narrowed his eyes and turned his attention towards the living room. "Well ain't that weird."

"I know right!"

"You think Sam's got something going on for the angel? Maybe that angel's got something going on for Sam?"

Dean whirled around. "What! No! Cas doesn't swing that way! Hell he doesn't swing any way! He can't feel things!" As an afterthought he muttered, "And Sam isn't into dudes."

Bobby squinted at Dean. "You do remember that the angel fell right?"

"Yeah, so?"

The older man shook his head and walked out of the room. "Fucking idjit."

Dean frowned, so what if Cas had fallen? What was the big deal–his eyes widened.

Oh.

_Fuck_.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sam stiffened, his fingers pausing their rhythm. His neck burned. He shifted his eyes to the side and frowned. "Dean, why are you glaring at me?"

Dean narrowed his eyes. "I'm not glaring."

The younger Winchester's eyebrow rose. "Alright, so why are you staring at me?"

"Sammy, you know I'll–" Dean coughed. "You'll always be my brother no matter what right?"

"Ooookay, so what does have to do with anything?"

He rubbed his hand over his mouth. "It's alright for you to date anyone and by anyone I mean **_anyone_**." Dean stared at Sam intensely. "You want to, I have no problems with that. Unless the chick is a demon, then I have problems. Seriously Sam, no demons."

"That only happened twice." Sam muttered.

"Not that I'm saying that these demons have to be just female, because they could be male, I'm not judging. Just no demons, male, female, or whatever the fuck in between there is. Or any supernatural creatures that want to kill us."

"So all supernatural creatures?"

Dean nodded. "Exactly."

Sam narrowed his eyes. "Dean, are you drunk?"

"What–No!"

"Alright, so what are you trying to say?"

"What I'm saying is that I'm fine with you dating whoever you want, okay? It can be a guy, it can be a girl or both, I don't care, okay."

Sam's eyes softened and he smiled. "That's–"

"Just as long as it isn't Cas."

Sam closed his mouth and stared at his brother. Dean stared back. The younger Winchester blinked. "Excuse me?"

Dean gritted his teeth. "Everybody else is fine. Just not Cas. And demons, no Cas and no demons. Mostly Cas, though."

"Everyone but Cas."

"Yeah."

"Anyone is okay. But not Cas," Sam said slowly.

Dean nodded. "Exactly, and demons," he added in an addition.

Sam bit down on the inside of cheek to stop from grinning. "And what if Cas likes me?"

Dean narrowed his eyes. "He _doesn't _like you, he's confused. Cas isn't like anyone else. If you put moves on him and everything goes to hell, things will be awkward and we don't need that. Look, if you're looking for some fun, go find someone else, not Cas. He's new to being human. He doesn't understand feelings so don't take advantage of him just because you want to try something new. "

The younger brother smirked. "If I'm serious, then it is fine?"

The older Winchester clenched his hands. "No! No, it's not fine!" Dean quickly jumped to his feet. "You can't have Cas!"

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

"What if Cas wants to date me, then what?"

"I told you he's just confused! He's new to being human that's why he's thinking strange things, he doesn't like you and he never will! You're like a brother to him, stay like that!" Dean glared. "I mean it Sam, stay away from Cas, don't give him any wrong ideas and I swear if you put any moves on him I'll–I'll trash your laptop!" He clenched his teeth together and stomped out of the room, grumbling to himself.

Sam covered his mouth and let out a snort. He smiled and shook his head, turning his attention back to his laptop. His brother was such an idiot. He smirked; jealously check, anger check, next would be denial and then acceptance but Dean would likely manage some way to fuck this up. Sam sighed, his brother was allergic to feelings and it seemed he was also allergic to happiness. His brother was happy and satisfied with the current situation, that was true, but it wasn't fair to Cas. One day, sooner or later, it was bound to strain and break and then there was no telling who would be hurt the most in the aftermath.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Dean's fingers tightened around the handle of his gun, the cloth in his hand roughly sliding and polishing the surface of the weapon. Fucking Sam. There was no way Cas would want to date him. It just wasn't possible, Cas was new to humanity, he'd probably mistaken what he was feeling for lo–no.

Nope.

He wasn't going there.

He shook his head, all that mattered was that Cas was confused and there was no way that the two of them could be together. It wasn't possible. Sam wasn't allowed to date Cas. Cas had just been with them for too long, without interacting with others. His fingers slackened, the gun in his hands slipping through his fingers.

That was it.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Cas! I need to talk to you."

The former angel glanced up from his book and offered Dean a small smile. "Yes, Dean?"

Dean swallowed and took in a deep breath. "We're going to a bar to pick you up some chicks...or dudes. Whatever you prefer." Cas' smile fell. Dean quickly grabbed Castiel's arm and pulled him to his feet. "I know this great bar down in town that you'll love. It has some decent burgers as well but the beer is the best."

"Dean, I do not wish to go."

"You're just saying that. Cas, man, you've got to get out and see the world. You've been cooped up here with just Sam–us that you've haven't had a chance to enjoy the things in life. But, as soon as you get out and experiencing things you'll have fun."

Cas extracted his arm from Dean's hold and stepped back. "No. Dean, I do not want to go."

"Cas, come on, you'll have fun. We'll find you a pretty girl or whatever and–" He reached out to snag Cas' arm.

"**_No_**." Dean's hand froze. Cas closed his eyes and sighed, he looked back up at Dean his gaze strong and resolute. "Dean, the way I feel about–"

"No. Stop," Dean quickly cut in, "Cas what you're feeling isn't real. You're just confused because you haven't been around others. Once we get you out of the house you'll meet more people and–"

"My feelings are _not _a mistake. Do not dare demean me, Dean. I am not confused and neither am I incapable of understanding my own emotions. What I feel is real and I will not be told otherwise." Castiel narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw shut, he stared at Dean for a few seconds longer before he turned and briskly walked out of the room.

Dean balled his fists by his side, and gritted his teeth. "Fuck."

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Did you seriously offer Cas help to pick up girls?"

"And guys," Dean muttered as he drained the remaining dark liquid in his glass down. His throat burned. He smiled darkly. "Congratulations, Cas likes–" Dean sneered. "I need another drink."

Sam narrowed his eyes and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. "Is anyone but me fine?"

"Sam. Give me that bottle."

"Do you have a problem with me?"

"Sam. Don't."

"Or do you have a problem with Cas being with anyone?"

"So what if do?! Is that so wrong? To want things to stay the same?"

Sam shook his head and looked down at his brother. "Nothing can stay the same." Dean clenched his jaw, his fingers curled against his palm, his nails digging grooves in his skin. The click of the bottle against the glass table was deafening. "The problem that you have with Cas being with anyone, is that it isn't you."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Dean groaned and covered his eyes. His head thumped and pulsed. The smallest sound made his head throb, and the tiniest amount of light flooded him with nausea. "Shit, I don't remember hangovers."

"You're about 20 years too old to be drinking like that."

The Winchester let out a snort. "Try ten–no five years." Dean squinted up at Bobby. "Are you what? 50 years too old be drinking like you do?"

"Shut up idjit."

Dean grinned and immediately winced. "Fuck, seriously is that what hangovers feel like?"

Bobby sat down in the armchair near Dean's head. "For the common man. You know why the angel is upstairs sulking? Or why the younger idjit keeps striking his keys so hard I hear them all the way from my room?"

"They're both over emotional and like to be dramatic."

Bobby stared at Dean for a few seconds. "Fix it."

Dean twisted his head to look over at Bobby. "What?"

"Whatever you did, fix it. I ain't living with a pissed off ex–angel that knows magic or pissed off kid brother. We both know how Sam get's when he's angry at you."

"Why do you think it's my fault?!"

"Because it's always you."

"It's not this time!"

Bobby stared.

"Seriously, it's not! It's their fault! Who the hell told them to get feelings involved, we were good! We were great and then they had to puke their feelings everywhere and ruin everything."

The older man's eyes narrowed. "Is this some lovers spat? Between you and your angel?"

Dean fell off the couch. "Fuck," he hissed. He turned to look at Bobby, wide eyed. "What?"

Bobby's eyebrow went up. "You know the ex-angel, the one who rebelled against heaven, the one upstairs **_sulking_**, Castiel, the one you call Cas. You know the guy? He lives upstairs, usually found with you or Sam."

"Cas and me–we–I–WE AREN'T TOGETHER!"

Bobby frowned. "Why the hell not?"

"What?"

"Are you stuck on that word? You heard me, why the hell not? You guys stare at each more intensely than those shitty soap operas and crappy romance movies. For a kid who says no chick flick moments, you have them an awful lot. Every time you stare at Cas, a lot."

"That's–That's just the way Cas is! He just stares and stares, it's not like I can do anything about it."

"You stare back."

"Because I have to!"

"The angel has a reason, you don't, other than you know." Bobby waved his hand in the air. "That."

"No." Dean shook his head. "No. I'm not in lo–that. I'm not that with Cas."

Bobby merely stared.

"I'm not!"

The older man blinked.

"I'm not."

Bobby's eyebrow rose.

"Even if I was, not that saying that I am, but if I was it's not like it matters because Cas and Sam are a

thing now," Dean grumbled.

"We'll I can cross talking to my teenage daughter about her liking a guy off my list now." Dean frowned.

"Grow a fucking pair and get up there and talk to him. You ain't 13 and you ain't a teenage girl. Get up there and act like a grown man. I swear if I so much as see a pouting angel upstairs I'm going to come down here and pistol whip you." Bobby let out a snort as he watched Dean scramble to his feet and run out of the room. He popped open the cap of his beer and took a gulp, he shook his head. "Idjits, each and every one of them."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Dean looked at the door before him and roughly swallowed. His heart pushed against his chest, quick and fast. He clenched his hands into fists. Slowly, he brought his hand up to knock on the door, it hovered inches from the wooden surface, no matter how hard he tried to move it, it refused to move. He scowled; he had faced demons, angels, and everything in between, from horror stories to fairytales. This was nothing.

He could do this.

He took in a deep breath and nodded.

He could do this.

His hand rapt against it sharply and slowly eased the door open. His eyes roamed the dimly lit study stopping once they had located the darker haired man.

Cas sat in one of the armchairs, a single table lamp shed enough light so that the giant tome open in his lap was legible.

"You'll ruin your eyes like that," Dean muttered as he reached out and flicked the lights on.

Castiel flinched and quickly closed his eyes, he slowly opened them and rapidly blinked.

Dean smiled and settled down in the chair next to him. A few minutes passed in silence, Cas focused on the book in his lap and ignored the man seated next to him. The Winchester rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "About what I said before, I'm sorry okay." Cas frowned and turned to look at Dean. He continued, "Your feelings aren't a mistake and I shouldn't have called them that."

"I do not understand. If you are feeling remorse then why did you say those words?"

He swallowed. "I was probably jealous."

Castiel tilted his head and slowly blinked. "Jealous?"

Dean nodded and clasped his hands together. "I realized this now because I'm an idiot, but I'm in lo–" he gritted his teeth. "That I'm in love with you. I'm not trying to change your mind or anything," he quickly added, "if you and Sa–" Dean twitched. "If you and Sam are happy together then that's good and I'm glad that you found someone that you like. Even if it isn't me, I'm just happy for you." He offered Cas a strained smile.

Cas stared at Dean for a few seconds, he narrowed his eyes. "You are lying."

Dean groaned and dropped his head into his hands. "Jesus Cas, you aren't supposed to point that out. You're supposed to accept that I'm fine and then we move on and forget everything that I've said."

The former angel blinked. "Why?"

"Because that's the only way we'll move on! Just say thank you and we'll forget about this!"

"You are in love with me."

"That's not what I said to do, Cas."

Cas smiled softly. "Sam and I do not have feelings for each other, Dean, not in the romantic context."

Dean jerked up and turned to look at the other, startled. "What?"

"Sam was adamant that you held the same feelings for me. So he came with this ploy to make you come to terms with them. I believe his exact words were 'Dean is allergic to feelings and he's an idiot'."

"You and Sam aren't together?"

Castiel shook head. "No."

"You and him aren't?"

"No."

"Are you?"

Cas smiled.

Dean quickly got up and kneeled before Cas, his shook has he reached out and cupped the other's cheek. He cleared his throat and tried to dislodge the pit in his throat. "Did you do all this because you're–"

"I am in love with you, Dean Winchester."

Dean yanked down Cas down to the floor and pulled him into tight hug. He let out a warm laugh and pressed his face against the other's throat. "I'm going to murder Sam."

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean. "I prefer if you did not. Sam and I have become quite close these days. I would not like to lose a friend."

"Would you look at that, the cherub's got jokes."

"I was a warrior Dean, not a baby angel." Cas frowned. "I have not been one for many millennia."

Dean's eyebrow rose. "You used to be cherub?"

"Of course Dean, angels grow just like humans. God did not just will us into existence fully formed. We went through the stages of growth."

Dean got up and pulled Cas up along with him. "Tell me about it then."

Cas offered him a small smile and clasped Dean's hands. "I will if you tell me about yours as well."

"I thought you'd already know everything," Dean murmured as he inched closer.

"I would rather hear it from you." Cas' lips brushed against Dean's as he spoke.

"Later," the lighter haired man muttered as he closed the distance.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sam smiled and filled his mug up with steaming fragrant tea, he leaned down and inhaled the aroma. His grin merely grew wider, he was always right. He whistled to himself and pressed the power button of his laptop. He took a sip and waited for his computer to boot. Cupid himself couldn't have done a better job. He turned to look at his screen and spewed his tea out.

"DEAN! YOU JERK! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WENT AFTER MY LAPTOP! DEAN!"


End file.
